My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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