So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
