why didn't you poke me back
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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