Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
