So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
