Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
