he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
