Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
