Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
