it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
