He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
