I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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