i wish my penis had a tongue
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
