Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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