Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
