i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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