Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
