i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
