If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
