If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
