On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just gargled with NyQuil
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
