I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
