Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
