I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
