false alarm. still invincible.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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