does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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