I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
