dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
