I CAN MOONWALK!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
