i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
