We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
