Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My cat gives me a boner
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
