I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
