I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
