awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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