She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
