My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
