It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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