Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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