Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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