i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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