my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
