Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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