Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
