i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
