My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
