so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
