I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
