grandma shit on top of the toilet
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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