FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
