im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
