Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
